SO3 in Hamlet
by Levallia
Summary: I got a book of the complete works of William Shakespeare for Christmas and look what happened! Total chaos! The cast of SO3 get to act out one of my favorite plays of all time: Hamlet! Warning: contains some bashing just don't take it seriously.


**Star Ocean: 'Till the End of Time**

**In**

**Hamlet**

* * *

Disclaimer: I do NOT own any of the characters, places, etc. in this fic. Just a copy of the game and a book containing the complete works of William Shakespeare. If I _did_ own Star Ocean, Albel would be the main character. And Sophia would be a mongoose.

So why am I doing this? I'm bored. And my other fic has hit rocks (if anyone has any ideas…). I love the game and I love the play, so I thought I'd mix 'em up for fun. As the title suggests, the cast of SO3 will be performing Hamlet. I'll be shortening the lines up for comedic purposes and also because I am lazy.

Fayt: Why do we have to do this?

Me: Because I say so!

Albel: I'm leaving, fools.

Me: So soon? Well that's a shame. I guess I'll have to show the readers those lovely pictures of you from the guild Christmas party.

Albel: …Damn you.

Sophia: Why would you make me a mongoose?! You're so mean!

**

* * *

**

**ACT 1 Scene 1**

_Castle Airyglyph. A watch tower._

_Enter Bernardo (Belzeber) and Francisco (Berial)._

Belzeber: -in a sing-song voice- Who's theeeereee?

Berial: Nay, answer me; stand, unfold yourself.

Belzeber: Whatever you say, hon!

Berial: I DIDN'T SAY _UNDRESS_ YOURSELF!!!

Belzeber: -halfway out of his clothes- Huh?

Berial: The line means you're supposed to tell me who you are!

Belzeber: But you _already_ know me. –winks-

Berial: Would you PLEASE take this seriously?!

Belzeber: What's it to you?

Berial: I happen to be a fan of Shakespeare's work. So say your damn lines the way you're supposed to!

Belzeber: Fine! –clears his throat- Long live the king!

Berial: Bernardo?

Belzeber: -sing-song voice- That's meeeee!

Berial: -smacks his forehead- You come most carefully upon your hour.

Belzeber: It's midnight; go to bed!

Berial: -gritting his teeth- For this relief much thanks; 'tis bitter cold, and I am sick at heart.

Belzeber: Then take some Aspirin!

Berial: What?

Belzeber: Wouldn't want ya havin' a heart attack, hon. –winks-

Berial: -about to strangle Belzeber-

Belzeber: Oh, right! Anything suspicious going on?

Berial: Not a mouse stirring.

Belzeber: That's a relief! You know how those things scare me! –shudders- Anywho, good night! And if you happen to bump into Horatio and Marcellus, tell 'em to get over here!

_Enter Horatio (Fayt) and Marcellus (Azazer)._

Berial: I think I hear them. Who is there?

Fayt: Friends to this ground.

Belzeber: You're friends with the ground? You must be desperate!

Berial: -smacks Belzeber- I'm out of here!

_Exit Berial._

Azazer: Uuuh…'Sup, Belzeber?

Belzeber: Is Fayt there too?

Fayt: Regrettably, yes I am.

Belzeber: Don't be like that! We could all have a sleep over! –does that giddy, hopping/clapping thing-

Azazer: Would you stop acting like an imbecile and tell us if it's appeared again tonight?

Belzeber: If what's appeared?

Azazer: BELZEBER!!!

Belzeber: Oh! _That_ it!

Azazer: Well, have you seen it?

Belzeber: Nope! Haven't seen a thing! –starts painting his nails-

Azazer: -eye twitching- Fayt says we're only seeing things and refuses to believe that we have seen this twice. Therefore, I have brought him along to stand watch with us tonight so that if the apparition appears again, he can see it and speak to it.

Fayt: I'm telling you, it's not going to appear.

Belzeber: Sit down and let's tell ghost stories! –excited squeal-

Fayt: -to Azazer- How did he get into this play?

Azazer: -to Fayt- The director…

Me: Ahem?

Azazer: _Sorry, _our _brilliant and talented _directorthought it would be humorous. She has a warped sense of humor.

Fayt: -sighs- Well, let's sit down and hear what Belzeber has to say about this apparition.

Belzeber: Yay! –plops down and starts painting his toenails- Well, last night while I was on watch, about this same time actually, Azazer and I saw…

_Enter Ghost (Glou)._

Azazer: Shut up, Belzeber! There it is again!

Belzeber: What?! –sees the ghost, shrieks, and jumps on Azazer- DON'T LET IT GET ME!!! –sobbing-

Azazer: GET THE HELL OFF ME!!! –manages to pry the terrified Belzeber off with Fayt's help- Now say your damn lines!

Belzeber: -stammering- I-it looks l-like the d-d-dead king! –sob-

Azazer: Go talk to it, Fayt, so we can get this over with.

Belzeber: -still sobbing- Make it go away!

Fayt: What are you and what do you want?

Azazer: I think you've offended it. And you butchered your lines.

Belzeber: It's leaving!

Fayt: Come back here! –chases after it-

_Exit Glou._

Azazer: Great work, dumbass, you chased it off!

Belzeber: My hero! –hugs Fayt-

Fayt: -while trying to pry himself from Belzeber's grip- If I hadn't seen it myself, I'd never have believed it.

Belzeber: -helping Fayt remove Belzeber- Didn't it look like the king?

Fayt: -finally manages to remove Belzeber- As much as you look like yourself. It wore the same armor he did when he fought the ambitious Aquarian legions, and it frowned as he did when he found his son, the prince trying on his mother's shoes.

Azazer: -tying up and gagging Belzeber- You see? This is the third time we've seen this thing.

Fayt: -pouring concrete into a bucket- That can't be good.

Azazer: -puts Belzeber's feet into the bucket- So why do you think this apparition is appearing?

Fayt: -waiting for the cement to dry- I dunno'. Warn us of coming war or something?

Belzeber: -tries to beg them to stop, but his pleas are muffled by the gag-

Azazer: -throws Belzeber into the moat- Much better.

_Enter Glou again._

Fayt: There it is again! I'll speak to it this time! Talk, apparition!

Glou: -looks at Fayt like he's crazy-

Fayt: If you've come to warn of some coming danger or something, speak!

Roger in a chicken suit: -crows-

Fayt: Come on, say something already! –sees the ghost leaving- Don't let it get away, Azazer!

Azazer: What do you expect me to do? Attack it with my sword?

Fayt: DUH!

_Exit Glou._

Azazer: It's gone! –turns to Fayt- You moron! You can't hit ghosts! You only made it mad!

Belzeber: I think it was going to say something before the cock –snickers- crew.

Fayt: How the hell did you survive!?

Belzeber: The lovely director saved me because my part isn't quite over yet!

Azazer: I hate that woman.

Me: Watch it, buddy, or next time you'll be wearing a dress.

Azazer: Eep!

Fayt: I have heard that the rooster's crow summons the morning and scares spirits away.

Azazer: I thought it also worked on witches and fairies. –glances at Belzeber, who is putting on his lipstick-

Fayt: Well, it's gone for now. Think we aughta' go tell Albel?

Azazer: Yes, and I know just where to find him. –aside, to Fayt- Hurry up so we can leave Belzeber behind!

_Exit Fayt and Azazer at a blistering speed, with Belzeber prancing along behind them shouting, "Wait for meeeee!"._

* * *

Thanks for reading, everyone! I hope you all enjoyed it! Also, thanks to foxyboychan for the inspiration for Belzeber and Berial's conversation (she refers to them as "the fairy and his butt buddy"), and my friends in the Albel guild (on for the Christmas party pictures idea. 

Roger: Why'd I have to be the stupid rooster?!

Because I hate you. You know why, you party-filling brat.

Roger: It's not _my_ fault you didn't have a stupid walkthrough!

-hits him with a gavel- For your crime against my enjoyment of my first play through Star Ocean, I sentence you to all the crappiest parts in this play!

Roger: Noooooooooooo!!!


End file.
